ADHD, Me

I was diagnosed as we were going into lockdown

Covid taking over our lives

Boris acting like a clown

As we got used to living day and night in our dressing gowns.

It was only a week or so from getting this bombshell

A psychiatrist assessed me

Who asked me loads of questions

About my childhood

About school

About the jobs I had and lost

With little notice

But at a great cost

To my confidence

Unsure of my skills

My experience

Was I any good at it?

Did I try my best?

Why couldn’t I fit in?

RSD wanting to put me in the bin

I worked for a charity

That supported people with disabilities

Providing stability

To folk who struggled with mobility

Or folk who were neurodivergent

Some very observant

Some obsessed with detergent

Some talking like a machine gun

Because in their head it was urgent.

I thought I was in the right place

To share my diagnosis with grace

And not hide my face.

I told my manager

I have ADHD

Could you share this with the board

It will shed light on how I work

And understand how ADHD can be a positive quirk

I didn’t get the response I expected

One that would feel like a warm embrace

But in reality,

I have never felt so rejected. 

She explained how now was not the right time

We had to focus on Covid-19

I had to look after my staff team

Steady the boat

Keep it afloat

It was kept a secret

Like it was something so bad

So awful

So earth-shattering for them

I felt unimportant

But took it on the chin

I had to focus on my job

Put my feelings in the bin

The news was shared eventually

To all the board members

Who knew me for years

But things did not look like they appeared

An email was sent out to all

Telling them of my ADHD

I was expecting to be bombarded with responses

Telling me its ok

We will support you

How have you managed for so long?

We are right behind you

You’ve done nothing wrong.

I was bombarded by silence

It   was    deafening

Soundless

So, so quiet

So, so still

Nobody said anything to me

It gave me quite a chill.

I had no support

They didn’t want a CEO to have ADHD

What an embarrassment I was to them

To have a disability

To not be neurotypical

Normal

A role model

To not be abnormal

I felt I let them down

I had taken a step down

I had lost my crown

28 October 2024